Rosalie's Chat
by AngelSixSixSix
Summary: The Cullen household hears some disturbing things before Emmett and Rosalie make love. Bella's a Vampire, Carlisle's knocking down doors, Emmett's flexing butt muscles, and Edward's in hysterics! What's going on? Funny. Please read and review!
1. Oneshot: A Disturbance!

**I accidentally deleted this the first time. Oops!**

**Okay people, this is my first FanFic. I hope you like it!**

**Love Always. Peace!**

**Ericaisdazzled**

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It's Emmet and Rosalie's day for sex. We sign up for days so that all the ones with "special gifts" will be prepared. Mainly me. Sometimes I wish I could just turn the whole "mind reading" thing off. It's disturbing at times like this. I possibly lose 3 of my virginity every time this happens. So I was about in the negatives before Bella and defiantly after I met her. I guess it doesn't matter now.

I'm lying on the bed in my room Bella used to sleep on at those nights when I or Alice "kidnapped" her. No need for that now.

Bella's cuddled up to my side with my arms wrapped around her stone waist. Her eyes are closed even though she can't sleep. I kiss her cheek. I need a distraction from thoughts.

She turns her head and kisses my lips. She applies the right amount of pressure to make me want more. Even though I don't need to breathe my breath gets raged when Bella kisses me.

Before I think about it she's leaning over me with her lips glued to mine. She parts her lips and shapes them around mine. I kiss her with as much enthusiasm as I can, making up for when she was human and I could never risk her life with my kissing skills.

I adjust so _I'm _leaning over the top of _her_. My free hand runs down the side of her perfectly angled body. I make it to an unclothed spot on her waist and stop. I run my hand up her shirt to reach the clasp on her bra. I stop before I undo it and pull my lips from hers.

"Sorry," I panted, "I'm getting carried away."

"Don't worry. You didn't offend me, I still don't mind." She pants back in a sexy tone.

"Good, because I wasn't about to apologize for it…, But it's not our day." Damn! It was just getting good!

I see through Rose's eyes looking at Emmet trying to bring on "the mood" by flexing his butt muscles under his spandex. _That_ is almost more disturbing that nearly being massacred in Italy. Being massacred in Italy was suddenly a great alternative. _Got… to… get… out of …Rosalie's __head!!... A disturbance!_

Bella and I hear Emmet ask Rose if she's ready.

She replies:

"Just a minute, you know how to do this right?" Emmet opens his mouth to speak, but Rosalie beats him to it. I hear snickers and murmurs down stairs.

"Okay, I'll tell you. First you stick it in the hole, and then wait until it hardens and twist it to make sure it's in good. Make sure not to jiggle it too much, you don't want to break it."

My mouth falls open shocked. Bella's gagging and I could hear everyone downstairs saying, "What the hell?!" On top of everything Jasper's taking notes. I'm going to have to talk to him about that.

I don't want to see what Rose is thinking, but my curiosity gets the best of me. I mean, is it really what it seems? I invade Rosalie's head and see something way different than I assumed. Oh. Okay.

Emmet is thinking something way different that her. Ugh! Rosalie continues:

"Then you pull it out and wipe off the white stuff. Then stick it between the two lumps and push and pull it in and out to dry it off." Emmet is speechless. He stands with his mouth gaping open. His head is completely stunned and thoughtless. Rose goes on:

"Make sure it gets nice and coated, but dry. Then stick it in your mouth and suck it. To get the liquid getting really flowing, rub it on your teeth and bite to get to the center."

Emmet can't move. He's just standing there staring at Rose. I can't hold it in any longer, this is hilarious! I fall of the bed and roll on the floor banging my fist against the carpet. It sound childish, but this is way too hysterical for it's own good.

What the hell is so funny about that? That's really sick Edward!" Bella yells.

I can't even stop laughing to explain. My fist goes threw the floor. That only made me laugh harder.

"Edward, what is _wrong_ with you?" Bella asked a little concerned now. I still can't answer.

Carlisle is running up the stairs tell them to control themselves. Everyone is gathering outside the Emmet and Rosalie's door muttering in disgust. Bella tries to get me to walk, but when she fails, she just scoops me up in her arms. She walks gracefully down the stairs and stops were the mob is stand, the drops me on the floor. I land with a thud and hear a cracking sound under me.

I'm finally starting to slow my laughing down and am able to stand, though everyone still looks at me like I belong in a mental institute.

Carlisle suddenly breaks down the door without warning. Wow. He must be really sickened to be brought out of is calm "happy Buddha" mood.

Rose- wearing nothing but a black lacy bra and matching panties- looks up shocked and immediately threw a sheet over herself. **(On Profile)**

"Do you _mind_? What the hell is this?!" She shouts.

Then we see it, the vital peace of information that we didn't think to consider. A tiny silver cell phone was the only think to put us into a riot and me into hysteric laughter.

Esme crosses the room over to the bed and picks up a tiny white card. It reads:

_Vegetarian Bloodsuckers._

_Guaranteed to make your teeth whiter and stronger!_

_Ingredients: _

_2 cups of your favorite animal blood._

_1 tsp. sugar_

_2 lumps of animal carcass_

_Materials:_

_Lolly pop mold with venom enhancing _

_solution._

_Oven for fast cooking_

_Procedures:_

_Mix animal blood and sugar into a medium sized bowl._

_Pour mixture into lolly pop mold and put in oven or leave out until hardens. You may want to leave to center a little wet and chewy. _

_Pull out and scrape off any uneven white solution._

_Then pull in and out of animal carcass for top coating._

_Let dry then enjoy!_

_Makes up to 10 Bloodsuckers._

"Oh my god! The werewolves _do_ like you!" Bella says excitingly.

"Bella, dear…, _What?_" Esme, I, and the others look confused and concerned at Bella.

"Well, they called you _bloodsuckers _didn't they?" Bella explained.

Everyone burst with laughter. Wow, we got complemented by our mortal enemy! How sweet.

Now that we moved on to a different discussion, Jasper quickly and quietly tries to put his notes into his back pocket, bet Alice catches the movement and grabs the paper tablet. She reads it silently a few times when everyone quiets down to watch her. She looks up, her face amused and ashamed.

"Jasper, you sick basturd! You can be _such _a pervert!" Alice accuses. Jasper looks down. Alice then directs her attention to Carlisle.

"So, um…, when's our sex day?" Alice asks embarrassed. Jasper looks up with a small smile on his face. Everyone groans.

"Aw, Alice, Jasper, is this really to time?" Esme asks.

"Excuse me for interrupting, but, THIS IS ME AND EMMET'S DAY! SO PUT THE DAMN DOOR BACK UP AND GET OUT!" Rose yells. Everyone stares at her shocked. I've never heard her yell like that. Rosalie softens her expression and smiles angelically.

"Please?" She says softly matching her tone with her face.

Without a word, Carlisle puts up the door and leads us down the hallway. Bella and I go back to my room.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." Bella apologized.

"It's okay, I just couldn't get it out." I say back affectionately. I don't like Bella to feel sorry for anything. I deserve to feel sorry after what I did to her.

She leads me back to the bed and sits me down to climb in my lap. I hold her there, my precious Bella, all mine for eternity. That's all we need, is each other. Forever.

I lift up Bella's chin and bring my lips to hers. I am _completely_ distracted when the banging starts.

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**Review please!**


	2. Author's Note: Oopsie!

**Readers,**

**I feel really bad about deleting this story, it was an accident, but I want you to know:**

**Those who have Reviewed, Favored, and/or Alerted this story, I never deleted any of you messages and I never will. If you want, I'll even post a chapter with all that stuff on it. **

**Sorry about this again!**

**Love Always. PEACE!**

**Ericaisdazzled**


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